Tree Sap (Random Thoughts)

• 
  I knew I was growing older when I started buying travel insurance.
• I'm convinced that if you took a random sample of drivers on the road and gave them the full driving test (written and road), at least 50% would fail.
• I am constantly on the lookout for the perfect wallet design.
• I think judges should be given "smackin rights" (thanks to Michelle for that phrase). Present a frivolous lawsuit, SMACK!
• Chicago style pizza (deep dish) is superior to all other styles. This is not up for discussion.
• I alternate between "Pop" and "Soda". However, when I'm feeling saucy I say "Sody".
• I'm sure he's a fine upstanding guy but Philip Seymore Hoffman seems like he could be a bit of a D-Bag. One of those guys who prattles on and on about his craft.
• One of my proudest accomplishments is my record of eating 98 donut holes in one sitting during high school marching band camp.
• You know the lead apron the dental hygienist puts on you at the dentist's office to prevent birth defects in your theoretical offspring? I wish I had one to sleep under; always makes me comfortable.
• The best tool/technique I have found for becoming a competent writer is to read voraciously.
• I fully subscribe to George Carlin's observation that anyone driving slower than you is a moron and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac.
• I would be happy if the rest of the hair on my head (except the facial hair of course) fell out.
• I wonder how much money it would take to get Bill Waterson and Gary Larson back on the job. I would give $100 to the cause.
• Life is too short for generic liquor.
• McDonald's is like the sun; wherever you go, there it is.
• My drug of choice is Cheetos.
• My dad said that if Ritalin were available when I was a child, he would have given it to me intravenously.
• I never understand why people are rude to those who serve them food. Seems like playing with fire to me.
• I love all of my scars, shows I've lived.
• If I could have any career it would be world class surfer.
• Some days I wish this country was more European; other days, I'm grateful it isn't.
• I'm constantly rooting for the city of Detroit and it's inhabitants.
• I wish Anheuser-Busch would spend some of it's advertising dollars on making Bud and Bud Light more palatable...and eliminate Bud Light's tendency to make me grab for the Imodium.
• If I ever meet the advertising person who came up with Life cereal's 'Mikey Likes It' campaign, I'll punch them in the nose.
• The harder it is to find a company's 800 number, the more I think they have something to hide.
• This country will start turning around when I overhear more parents discussing their children's academic success, rather than their athletic prowess.
• Customer service is an art form. Unfortunately, most people haven't progressed past finger paints.
• If I had three wishes and couldn't wish for more wishes, I would wish for: The ability to eat, drink, and smoke whatever I wanted without any detrimental effect on my health; Magic pockets that would contain whatever amount of cash I needed at the time; And World peace (I'm not totally self-absorbed).