The Furious Wiper

I would like to introduce the world to The Furious Wiper. TFW (as I like to call him) is a guy who occasions the men's room in my building. The reason I call him TFW is because if he is utilizing the WC at the same time as you, you will undoubtedly ask yourself, "What the heck he is doing?" My guesses from the sound:

• Sanding his son's pinewood derby car
• Practicing his scratching for his second job as a DJ
• Using those blocks from elementary school music class
• Rubbing out stains on his shirt with a Shout Pad
• He's a member of Opus Dei and he has sinned; therefore, he must punish himself

Anyway, to steal from George Carlin, these are the thoughts that kept me out of the good schools.